DISCLAIMER: This document is here for the benefit of
alt.tasteless readers. Others might find it uninteresting or repellent. Consider
yourself warned. If you are a hysterical parent who can't be bothered
to supervise your own rugrats as they explore the Web, don't come whining to me.
Subject: Fuckin' Kindergarten Newbies (was Re: California Fires)
From: Charles R. Tenney, tenney@med.unc.edu(NO_SPAM)
Date: 9 Nov 1993 19:52:10 GMT
In article `For which, Skinless Boy at Dexadrine U. follows up by including the whole
damn article, then rears up on his hindquarters and brays forth his utter
ignorance of humor, ettiquette, and the traditions of the newsgroup:
Hey, Skinless, bend over, grab your ankles, open up your hungry brown
starfish, and catch a clue. We don't care how stupid you are, so don't
waste our time by telling us.
You know, I generally oppose the brutal sodomization of pre-pubescent boys,
simply on principle. But some sort of Pied-Piper-in-a-bloodstained-Clown-Suit
seems to be leading a procession of self-important schoolyard bullies
straight from the sandbox to the shark-infested waters of alt.tasteless.
Besides Skinless Boy, we've got Tiny Willy, who posts with the name of
"Vinnie the Weasel." Sorry, Willikins, you haven't earned the right to
use the name "Vinnie." Read the group for a while and you'll understand.
Maybe. In addition, we have the recent arrival of "Diaper--Douche of
Dull, Pussy of Peckerhead, Enema of Ennui, ad nauseum."
These precious youngsters have an attitude similar to that of the cute
little tykes who think that watching four hours of Rat Patrol reruns and
running around with plastic M-16's every afternoon 'till dinnertime is the
equivalent of Basic Training through Ranger Qualification. They find a
newsgroup, note that people are markedly less polite sometimes than they
are on rec.manners.stuffy, and think because they can shock their mammas
by yelling "PooPoo!" that they're ready to take on the pros. We got news
for you toddlers, there may not be many rules here, but there is one
unwritten law: the law of the jungle. And Shere Khan the Tiger is waiting for
a tender young Manchild to wander by. You picture yourselves jumping into the
fray with both boots, snarling and ready to kick ass. But the reality is
more like you waddling into the Prison Yard, at the Sex Offender's wing,
hobbled by your fallen-down underoos that got tangled on your bunny
slippers, with a cake spatula in one hand and an open can of Crisco (tm)
in the other. And a big smile on between your rosy cheeks, and another on
your face. The guards are all either asleep, paid off, or participating.
Your world, to say nothing of your pelvis, is about to be shattered.
Skinless Boy, Tiny Willie, and Diaper, you kids need to pull
up your pants, and run on back to the nursery. Watch us from a safe
distance, until you mature enough to catch on to how we work here. We
trim our articles in our followups, we don't post unless we have something
to say (although established contributors sorta get a break on this) and,
especially, we don't insult our betters until we know who they are and
we're certain we can deal with the results. Once you've caught on, then,
look CAREFULLY around and find something tasteless (and unique! please
don't tell us about the old buried-cat-and-lawnmower trick, unless you
find some new variation like overstuffing the cat with mice first, or
waiting until that pesky dog has almost dug the cat out to play with it).
Then come back and tell us about it. But not before you're ready.
Otherwise, we might have to flame you.
>In article <752513514snx@skyld.tele.com>, jangus@skyld.tele.com(NO_SPAM) (Jeffrey D.
>Angus) wrote:
> [a decent article following up:]
>>
>> In article <1993Nov4.154115.17910@bongo.tele.com> julian@bongo.tele.com(NO_SPAM) writes:
>>
>> > [a normal discussion of current events, in this case, a film
>> > director who died chasing pussy in the LA Firestorm]
>Fuck you! Shows how retaded you are. Can't even make a good joke.
--
Charles R. Tenney charles_tenneyatunc.edu | What would the UNC school of
| Medicine want with my opinions?
"My karma ran over my dogma." | What would I want with theirs?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Home]
[About Me]
[Links]
[Writings]
[Pictures]
[Scholarship]
[Quotations]
[Guestbook]
[Writing Seminar] [Islam]
Copyright © 1996, 1997 Jo Miller djm8@cornell.edu(NO_SPAM)